Think Back…

we used to fight whenever we met online…

And, I claimed that I hated this guy because he was just too annoying….

but….life is weird..

I still remember it was on January 16, 1999.

We decided to be together..

I still remember the first time we met. You took a taxi to school. I  told you that I was the one carrying a Nike sling bag. You hold my hand, and made me look at you – That’s our first meet. We were sitting at the side of the gate, until you sent me to the entrance of the school.

We talked on the phone for 8 hours..

You sent me your picture before we met….

I took a bus to JB just to see you…

We secretly met at Leisure Mall…

again, we secretly met outside of Foon Yew…was scolded by the people driving on the road @.@

That’s one night, I forgot to bring my house key with me when I went back to JB from Pontian. I had to stay outside of the house for the whole night before my friend brought me the key. You came for me, just to be there with me.

You tried to write your name and “I love you” in Chinese with your hand on my book, when we were in the bus.

I read Shin-Chan comic for you outside of the Leisure Mall.

The hand-made cards you made for me..

The snoopy collections…

The McD couple bears you gave me…

Watching movie, and I was leaning on your shoulder…

I still can remember the Pokemon collections you had….

the BM homework you taught me..

The English vocab you corrected on me…

The sarcasm you sometimes did to me..

your untouchable glasses…

I never felt I had to be strong when I was with you…

Your big hand holding my small hand….

I could act like a girl, a girly girl…

Your room, your living room, your mum, your dad, your sisters and your house….

Just found that your brother got married and has a son, your sister is engaged, and your younger sister is now in a relationship…..

we did go through some hard time too…

My sister strongly disapproved our relationship…

My mum accidentally read my journal that I wrote about you and me….

I was prohibited to see you…

My sister wanted to talk to you….

We were like trying to break up at least 5 times in between…

Busy with school band..

You busy with SPM….

Love changed. Life changed. Value changed. Things changed.

I still remember it was a day when I was with my cousins. We were talking about her wedding. You called. I didn’t pick up. You were pissed. I called you back at night. I was pissed too. I am sorry that I didn’t care about how much you care about me. After two years, we, maybe I only, took each other for granted. On the phone, we decided to break up, for real this time.

I thought that time was for real. But you called me back after several days. Too bad, I insisted.

So, we broke up the two-years relationship, on the phone. I didn’t see you after that.

Maybe once, bumped into you at our old good place, Leisure Mall.

It was renovated into Giant Supermarket. As so, the memory was no longer there too.

I think I might have a little bit delayed response. I can only feel the grief after my high school graduation.

People can be blinded by the things around them. I was busy with school band, with new friends, new life. It allowed me forget about you fast. Well, maybe not forget, but put it aside.

After I graduated, I tried to think about the relationship we had. But I guess, it’s too late. You were in a relationship.

Then I went to KL, continue my new life. Forgot you again.

Then I came to US, restart another new life. Talked to you on msn when I got lucky. But how we talked was no longer the same as we used to. We even got into fight as how we did before we were in the relationship.

Months and months later..

we talked again. We all changed. You said I have grown up to a big girl, smart and mature. I am actually very happy when you said that. I guess I am always seeking for your recognition. Don’t know why.

And, found out that you are still in the same relationship.

I guess you are a very loyal and loving lover, boyfriend. Too bad, you are not mine. Lucky that girl. She should thank me. haha. Just kidding.

Sometimes, I will think, what if I insist that time? Ya, I know it’s stupid. But….it’s free to do so!

I remembered you told me that you couldn’t remember much about us, and that time we were still young.

But, I didn’t dare to tell you that I can still remember everything we did last time. I know we are young, but I believe it was pure. So do you think old people know what’s true love?

Don’t you know that the first love is always the most impressive?

Thinking of you reminds me all the good old times..

I believe that you have been one of the significant persons in my life.

I am glad that I got to spend two years of my life with you. I do not regret of being with you. You could be a jerk, but I don’t think I am also good enough to call you a jerk.

Alright, sorry for being so late.

After 10 years..

I am here to grieve, for our relationship.